i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
