I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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