My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
