wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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