did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
