does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
