Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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