me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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