I wish my penis had an off switch
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize