i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
