Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
