Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
