So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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