I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
