Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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