every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
whose ass print is on the piano?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
