There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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