I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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