So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize