let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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