I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
