so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't deserve a penis
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
