I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
