And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
