Non-Jews are for practice
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
