I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize