she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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