one might say we're banned from that church
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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