Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
