He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
