mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
