So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize