there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
