i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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