Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
