Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
