YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I see more hoeing in ur future
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