Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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