Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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