why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
