I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
