I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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