Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
