I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
