hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize