Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize