oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize