He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
