dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
