I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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