You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
