you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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