ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
