u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
