I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
