you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
