that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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