By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
