I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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