Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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