Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
