oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
