Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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