She just used a chaser for red wine.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
