**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
