Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
