but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
