I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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