If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
