What a fucking waste of an outfit
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
