hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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