He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
